While I was pregnant and spending hours pouring over all my baby books, There was one thing that never concerned me. I had all the confidence in the world that I would have no issues breastfeeding. All I have ever heard was how "breast was best" and why wouldn't I breastfeed? It's FREE! But not everything goes according to plan (as I found out very soon during delivery when I ended up recieving an epidural when I "planned" on delivering naturally.) My sweet baby boy did not want to latch on. I went to the classes, I read the books, I even did an online class ! I had "perfect technique" says all the nurses and lactation consultants that were in the hospital. But my little guy did not want anything to do with my breast. When he would momentarily latch, he would suck so hard and pull his top lip in, so that I was instantly bruising, cracking, and eventually bleeding. I was so frustrated and stressed out that I couldn't feed my baby. And because he had jaundice, they had to give him a couple ounces of formula which absolutely broke my heart. Why wasn't this working? What was wrong with me?? But there wasn't, and isn't, anything wrong with me. Not everyone can breastfeed, and the more research I have done online , I have found more and more mothers with the exact same issues as I have.
So, because there was no other way, I decided to buy a high quality double electric breast pump and pump to feed my baby. At first I was pumping every two hours because that is what the pediatrician recommended, but that was consuming all of my time and I was getting overwhelmed quickly. So then I decided every 3 hours or so would work better. I did that until Liam was 7 weeks old and I started to lose it. I would have to drag my pump on the go if I was going out anywhere longer than a few hours ( I could hook it up in the car or use a manual pump). I was starting to HATE the pump. I looked at it, more like glared, with thoughts of chucking it out my 3rd story apartment window ! Even though I was using a pumping brazier so my hands were free, Liam was getting bigger, staying up for longer during the day and if I had to hold him while pumping because he was fussing, he would kick off the pump from breast (which is extremely painful). I was starting to whine and moan about it to my boyfriend like a child. He was/is always supportive no matter what and he believed I could keep pumping or he would support me if I decided to supplement with formula. So, because I wanted to be less stressed and have more time to play with my baby, get the housework done and not feel like a walking milk truck, I decided to only pump 3 times a day. At first I was overwhelmed with guilt and decided I wasn't going to tell anyone I had switched to formula during the day. But I am not the only mother out there with this same issue and I am still pumping at least 3 times a day so he will still get the nutrients from my BM. He gets BM mainly at night time and formula during the day.
The reason I wanted to share this story with everyone is because I want all mothers to know that IT'S OK TO SUPPLEMENT! If breastfeeding has not worked out for you and pumping has gotten you stressed to the max, it's OK! I am holding my head high when I tell the pediatrician I am feeding him both BM and formula at his next doctor visit. In Denver, especially at Denver Health Hospital, not breastfeeding is like a crime. They make you feel extremely guilty and I have spent hours beating myself up about it. Some people, even doctors and nurses, do not understand why someone cannot breastfeed, and think that I have simply "given up" or "taken the easy way". That is what people in the healthcare business have said to me. But what they don't understand is pumping is not the easy way out !! I was doing double the work. I would have to pump AND feed him with the bottle. I even literally have gotten into an argument with a complete stranger about bottle feeding my BM. She had told me that I was not giving the same benefits to my baby because there was no bonding when I fed him with a bottle !! ( I had aggressive images in my head while she had said this to me ). I later found out this woman did not even have children of her own. If you have seen the pictures I have posted in the ABout Me section, my baby Liam is an extremely healthy happy boy. Things did not go as planned, but sometimes having a plan doesn't matter. I am trying now, to be a more "go with the flow" person like my dear boyfriend Nathan. I shrug off the dirty looks I get when I pull out a bottle of formula in public, I ignore the calls I continuously get from lactation consultants STILL trying to get me to come back in for "help" and I know that my baby got all the benefits of my BM for 7 weeks, which are the most important, and that I am doing what I can for my baby. As they say, " A happy momma is a happy baby" and I am now a much happier momma now that I am not hooked up to a machine all day.
Now, I am not saying that exclusively pumping cannot be done ! There are MANY woman that can do it- some for a whole YEAR! I found support groups online that were very helpful at times when I thought I couldn't do it anymore.
If you are considering pumping, keep in mind you will need a GOOD PUMP. I have the PumpInStyle and seems to work great. You also should get a brazier(I got the medela brazier from Babies R Us) so you can be hands free and take care of your little one. I also suggest trying to do things that take your mind off of pumping. Movies and going on facebook and pinterest helped a LOT. If you stare at the clock to see how long you've been doing it or you are staring at the bottles waiting for them to be filled, you will lose your damn mind.
Another thing you most definetely need is to be around SUPPORTIVE people who encourage you to pump. I live in Denver and my whole family lives in Illinois, so I have been quite alone in this adventure of motherhood so far. My darling Nathan does what he can (which is A LOT) but not having my mother and sisters has been the real challenge.
Find a support group online, surround yourself with positive loving people and I believe anyone can exclusively pump for many months.
**Remeber, only you know what's best for you and your baby ! Don't let the eyes of other judging parents upset you.
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